


shine a light

by ithilien22



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Episode Tag, Episode: s02e07 How Are Thou Fallen, M/M, Relationship Discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 01:25:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9796223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ithilien22/pseuds/ithilien22
Summary: The last time Magnus let someone in, it nearly destroyed him. He's not sure if he can do it again. (Fix it for ep. 7)





	

**Author's Note:**

> This picks up immediately after ep. 7 so **definite spoilers**!

It's hard to remember why this is a bad idea, especially when the loft is empty and Alec is looking at him the way he is now, slowly working the buttons on Magnus's shirt. Alec kisses him again, soft and grinning into the end of it, and Magnus's heart races. _Is he really this far gone already?_ he wonders.

When they reach the bedroom their kisses turn heated again and Magnus lets himself get lost in the sensation for a moment. It's nice honestly, finally having some time uninterrupted by work or house guests, and actually getting to flirt with the idea of losing a layer or two of clothing. If it were just that, Magnus would be completely on board.

Alec's mouth starts to trail across Magnus's jaw and down to the sensitive spot just under his ear. Magnus groans and tilts his head automatically. _Definitely, definitely on board._

After a few moments, however, rational thought returns and Magnus reluctantly pulls back. This isn't just innocent new exploration; Alec has intentions - _expectations_ \- for things that aren't actually going to happen tonight.

Still, Magnus can't help but stare at Alec's mouth even as he takes a more firm step back. _Not tonight_ , he reminds himself, _isn't 'not ever'_.

"What's wrong?" Alec asks, voice slightly raspy and gaze hooded. When Magnus doesn't respond right away, he reaches out again, hand falling at Magnus's waist, and adds, "I told you, I'm ready."

Magnus takes Alec's hand and moves it to his own chest, holding it there against his racing heart.

"I'm not," he admits softly. 

Alec's eyebrows raise slightly. A beat passes while he seems to consider Magnus's words.

"You don't want to have sex?"

He sounds more confused than upset, and Magnus decides to take that as a good sign.

"It's not that I don't want to, darling," he explains, still holding Alec close by the hand pressed to his chest. "In fact, I had an especially lovely dream just last night where you played a feature role. It was very... stimulating."

He winks. Alec blushes and rolls his eyes slightly, but still holds Magnus's gaze. _Another win_ , he thinks triumphantly.

"But I'm just not quite there yet," he continues, "emotionally speaking."

"Oh," Alec replies softly. "I assumed you..."

He trails off uncertainly and this time he does duck his head slightly, avoiding Magnus's eyes. Magnus tugs his hand gently to pull his focus back, before lowering their joined hands down between them.

"I guess I got a little carried away," Alec says sheepishly, pointedly not finishing his previous thought. "Sorry."

"Oh, don't apologize darling," Magnus reassures him with a smile. "I was thoroughly enjoying our newfound solitude, I assure you. I just didn't want you to misunderstand where the evening was headed."

Alec licks his lips in a seemingly unconscious gesture, and Magnus follows the movement.

"What, um. What you said before," Alec says, his voice faltering as he fumbles for the words he needs, "about losing me if we- I. Is that really how you feel?"

It's Magnus's turn to look away now, trying to tamp down some of the vulnerability he feels. It's not that he doesn't trust Alec, but he wonders sometimes if Alec really understands how much power he already holds over Magnus's heart.

Or what Alec would do with that knowledge.

He must hesitate for a moment too long, because Alec starts speaking again.

"Magnus, that. It's-" he trails off again, but with a more frustrated edge this time. "You don't get it."

Magnus looks back up in his surprise at Alec's harsh tone.

"And what's that?" he asks, honestly curious for Alec's response.

Alec shakes his head slightly, but his expression slowly softens. He uses their still joined hands to pull Magnus back to him, leaning in to rest their foreheads together. Magnus closes his eyes.

"This, us- _you_ mean a lot to me, Magnus," he says. "I'm not going anywhere."

Magnus lets out a breath and finally drops Alec's hand, only to settle both of his at Alec's waist once more. He knows what he needs to do and it's unfair, really, that he has to ruin such a tender moment. He briefly considers giving Alec some warning so that he can temper his reaction, but he can't bring himself to do it. He's learned over his many years that an honest reaction, however painful, is necessary.

He wonders idly, as he leans back enough to see Alexander's face again, what emotion he's most likely to find, and which would be worse. At least the disgust typically fades eventually, once his glamour has been back in place for long enough. But fear, once inspired, is harder to shake. 

Magnus forces himself to open his eyes, neglecting to resume the glamour. Alec's own hazel eyes - only inches away - widen slightly, but only for a moment before he seems to realize what he's being shown. 

Then Alec smiles. A slow, shy, _beautiful_ smile.

"Oh," he breathes out, one hand coming up to cup Magnus's cheek. "Oh, wow."

Magnus blinks, trying in vain to reign in the tears he can already feel forming at the corners of his eyes. There's no way to hide them either, not with Alec so close and staring at him so intently. The hand against Magnus's cheek moves slightly to swipe at some of the moisture under his eye and Alec's smile dims at the realization of what it means.

Magnus laughs wetly.

"Well, that's a new reaction," he admits. He suddenly wishes they had stuck to the original plan for the evening. Even if they were both naked, Magnus doubts he could have managed to expose himself quite so thoroughly. 

"I think I get it now," Alec says softly, still holding Magnus close but no longer attempting to wipe away his tears. "There's still a lot we don't know about each other. But I want us to, uh, to- to get to know those things. I mean. If you do?"

He falters a little towards the end of his speech and Magnus squeezes his side in reassurance.

"Oh, I absolutely agree, Alexander," he replies, a bit of self-deprecating laughter still clinging to his voice. "I just didn't intend to be quite so dramatic about it."

He makes a show of wiping his eyes again, feeling silly but also somehow remarkably lighter than he had when the evening began.

Alec doesn't quite laugh, but his smile grows more playful. 

"Sometimes a little drama makes things interesting," Alec says, "like a good book where you want to see how it ends."

Magnus smirks.

"Speaking of starting something good and wanting to see how it ends," he says, trailing off suggestively. He reaches out and straightens the hem of Alec's shirt, no doubt mussed by their earlier activities. Alec's eyebrows shoot up.

"I thought you said not tonight?" he asks.

"Not sex, no." Magnus clarifies. "But I'd hate to see such a blissfully empty loft go to waste."

Alec grins.

"That would terrible," he agrees, fingers returning to the buttons on Magnus's shirt, still only halfway undone. 

"Tragic," Magnus adds, maneuvering them both towards the bed.

Alec hits the mattress with a surprised laugh that makes Magnus's stomach flip pleasantly. He takes a second, trying to calm the mess of emotions still swirling inside of him. Alec looks up at him from the bed, still grinning, and Magnus takes a deep breath.

Then he lets himself fall.

**Author's Note:**

> come prompt me on [tumblr](https://ithilien-writes.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
